Generally in the job search process, I have tried to remain positive, but it’s very difficult. There is so little I can control, and what I can control is unrewarding. My days are a monotonous cycle of work with little return. Sure, I get the occasional interview, but what good is an interview if I don’t get the job?
I find that I am remarkably unsatisfied… my work feels meaningless… there are thousands of hurting people out there I could be helping right now… and instead I’m sitting in my living room, filling out application after application with no results, just to feed myself and pay for an apartment? Chores and meals feel like a waste of time too. I know I need to eat, and do laundry, and clean my bathroom, but that’s an hour or two or five I could have devoted to the search, and maybe those hours could have been what I needed to be employed now. Keeping in touch with family and friends is easier than it used to be as a crazy busy college student, but I also feel like I can’t be the sister, daughter, friend I want to be because I’m strapped for money, worried about becoming a burden, and slowly losing every bit of confidence I used to have in myself and my talents because I’ve tried my best, and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere.
And then I turn to my Bible, and remember everything IS meaningless…
“Vanity of vanities! All is vanity”, observes Solomon in Ecclesiastes. “What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?”
Solomon goes on to examine all of the things that might give a man satisfaction… riches, fame, eating and drinking, hard work, but decides that “all is vanity and a striving after wind”. So, turns out even if I had a job, it would still be meaningless.
His final conclusion, though, is not the bleak reality one would expect. Rather, he says, “The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man” (Ecclesiastes 12:13, ESV).
All is vanity and a striving after wind, until we acknowledge that we were designed to live as servants of the Lord on high, our creator and life-giver.
“For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 14:17).
I’m so unsatisfied with my earthly life right now… I hate job searching, and I hate feeling useless, but I am thankful for the way God is using my dissatisfaction here to find my satisfaction in Christ and Christ alone.
“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup. You make my lot secure.” (Psalm 16:5)
“For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.” (Psalm 107:9)