Staying Still for Colin

It’s my little brother’s birthday today.  I cannot believe how old and tall he is!  Isn’t it a funny moment when your cute little brother suddenly becomes your very hansom, tall brother?  Seriously, he’s like a foot taller than me now… maybe more.

Anyway, these are my reflections on memories from 20 years ago when my baby brother was born.  I miss and love you lots, Colin!  Happy birthday!

I’m wearing my favorite dress… well, one of them.  It’s the button up, with the pockets and the wide collar that looks like a slice of watermelon.  I am glad I’m dressed up, because I’m a big sister now.  I’m going to see my little brother.  Being a big sister is an important job, and I want to look the part… especially because I want Mom to let me hold him.  Only big, responsible girls get to hold baby brothers.

Grandmother says that we’re almost there.  I see huge buildings and a parking lot filled with cars.  There’s an apple on the seat next to me… the one my big brother refused to eat.  He doesn’t like apples.  I wonder if my little brother will like apples… he probably won’t be able to eat them until he’s three like me though.

We walk down a long hallway.  It’s white tile and bright lights, and there are windows to our right.  I see babies through the windows, in little boxes.  Is he in there?  I peer through the windows as we pass.  There’s a dark-skinned baby… Is that him?  I see a baby that looks a lot more like me, blonde and white-skinned, but then we’re turning into a room, and there’s my brother.

He’s curled in my Mom’s arms, wrapped in blankets.  All I can see is his little pink face.  Mom smiles at us.  My big brother and I run to her bedside.  Mom takes my hand and lets me touch his head, urging me to “be gentle.’

I am… I can’t imagine being anything else.  My fingers brush over feathery baby fuzz, and I can’t believe he’s real.  He’s just like my baby doll, Elizabeth, only warm, and breathing, and a boy.

I’m jumping up and down and asking if I can hold him.  I can’t help it.  I’ve been waiting for this moment forever!  Mom says if I sit on the bed next to her and stay very still, I can hold him.  I clamber on the bed and sit very still on top of the blankets.  He’s in my arms, warm and heavy and full of sleep.

I’m a big sister, and I can’t stop smiling.

The Soundtrack to my First Six Weeks in Ireland | Songs with Significance, Autumn 2018

There is an assignment this semester for one of my classes that asks us to create a musical tapestry, that is, a collection of songs that reflect different stages or elements of our lives.  For the assignment, we are also supposed to involve various music therapy concepts and research, but it gave me the idea of preserving the music that is meaningful to me now, so that I can look back on it in the future.

I think perhaps I will organize this by month, or maybe season, so here are some of the most significant songs for me this fall.

“Leaving on a Jet Plane”, John Denver 

Because I did, you know, leave on a jet plane, and left everyone in my country behind… I was thrilled to be going, but there is that piece of you that does “hate to go” even so.

“The Parting Glass”, Ed Sheeran 

There are many variations of this song, and this is not the first one I heard, but it was playing in the airport just as I was about to board the plane for Ireland, which I thought was cool, given it’s an Irish song as far as I know.

“Gold”, from Once 

Again, the Irish connection, but actually I just love this song in general, and have been listening to it pretty regularly for a while.

“My Heart Is Filled With Thankfulness”, Keith & Kristyn Getty

I love Ghetty hymns, but this one has been particularly relevant lately because my heart IS SO FILLED with thankfulness to the Lord for his provision in recent times.  A year ago, I never would have thought I would be in another country 12 months on from then.  I wanted a job, not more education.  I certainly wasn’t crazy enough to actually think an international move was in my future, but God had other plans, and he’s been so faithful with every question mark and concern in the process.

“Empty”, Ray LaMontagne 

Just such a nice sound, and reminds me a bit of Tennessee and Virginia.

“Let it be Me”, Ray LaMontagne 

“Boston”, Mick Flannery 

Such a sweet song.  I saw Mick Flannery in concert at my university a couple of weeks ago, and this was one of the only songs I really loved.

“No Name”, Ryan O’Shaughnessy 

Granted, I’ve always adored this song.

“Eve, The Apple of My Eye”, Bell X1 

Good song.

Okay, if you don’t like Damien Rice, stop here, because every other song is one of his from here on out hahaha.  A friend and fellow musician here introduced me officially to Irish song writer Damien Rice, and I’m kind of in love with a lot of his songs.  I tried to narrow it down to a couple for this, but I just couldn’t!

“Older Chests”, Damien Rice 

Just really pretty 

““Volcano”, Damien Rice 

I like duets.

“The Blower’s Daughter/Elephant”,“, Damien Rice 

My first favorite. ❤ 

“Colour Me In”, Damien Rice 

My second first favorite! Ah I can’t even it’s just so good!

Wow, that was more extensive than I thought it would be, but kind of cool to see all the songs I have been listening to on repeat for the last few weeks all laid out in a list.  I didn’t realize how many Irish song writers and singers were on this list until now haha.  Irish people just write good music… what can I say?

Take Off and Arrival — Our Newest Adventure, Part 1

The first several posts detailing my experiences in Ireland will actually be things I wrote originally in my personal journal, and adapted for the blog.  They will be very in the moment, sort of stream of consciousness, so possibly something a little different than what you are used to seeing here, but a very real snapshot of what’s going through my head as we make this transition.  Please enjoy.

We are on the plane to Ireland! I can’t believe this is a thing! I’m excited, but also not nearly as nervous as my first independent international flight.  I’m wearing a paw print necklace for Oleta, the Celtic ring that Dad gave me, and Mom’s high school ring, which was an accident, actually, yeah, Mom I have your class ring right now.  Anyway, I didn’t plan it, but I’m glad I have a piece of all of them. I wish I had something from my brothers.

This is one of those moments that I am so full of gratitude.  I am floored at the way God has provided over the last several months so that we could do this, and humbled beyond belief.  God, Thank you for bringing us to this place. Thank you for providing for everything that had to happen to make this possible before this. Thank you for leading me in your way, not my own.  Please God, let your will be done. Whatever I do in Ireland, let it be for your glory. 

Prim is doing so great so far. Just chilling on the plane. We are in the air. I’m sitting next to an Irish girl.  She said Limerick is a lovely place. I’m looking forward to being there.  We have an incredible amount of exploring to do.

7:05 Am Irish time 

We are here, and by God’s provision we are both through  customs. We are just waiting for the pastor of our church, who kindly offered to give us a lift from the airport.  I am so looking forward to making our first friends here.

Everyone is so hospitable! The agriculture man was so sweet, came and found Prim and I while we were waiting for my paperwork to get looked at, and got us started with that in order to take less time. One of the stewardesses from the airplane found my guitar and brought it to me because we had gate checked it and I completely forgot about it, bless her. The immigration officer was so nice too, and gave me directions to the money exchange place. Haha, and just now I heard someone, I’m assuming someone who works here, singing, “La di da…” to himself as he went. What a cheerful soul.

I am so grateful that God has brought me here and very excited to see what he has planned. I cannot wait for church on Sunday. I feel as if I’m coming to meet family I previously didn’t know I had, which I guess is exactly what is happening. Wow!  I also feel so odd for some reason that everyone back home is asleep right now. I’m like, why aren’t you responding to my text messages… oh, right, they are fast asleep lol.  My first run-in with the problem of time differences.

And so it begins.  Our newest adventure.  Let’s do this.

Second Exciting Announcement — I Moved to Ireland!

Many of you will already know this, but there are several people who follow my blog alone and don’t see my updates on Facebook… and anyway it’s not every day that people just up and move to another country… I mean, actually probably it is, but… never mind.  The point is, perhaps it could be useful to someone.  Either way, I received several requests to write here about the move and related experiences, so here we are.

Why Ireland?

I am here to pursue a Master of Arts in Music Therapy.  I chose this program for several reasons, among them financial considerations, the time required to become qualified (which is significantly less than it would have been in the states), my love for Ireland as a place and people, my love for adventure, and, primarily, my conviction that I was being called here by God.

Why Music Therapy?

That is a complex question that I will have to go into in another post.  Suffice it to say that God made it pretty clear this is what he wanted me to do, and it seemed to fit well with my talents, past experience, and professional hopes.

When?

I arrived in Ireland at the beginning of September.  Thus, I have already been here for several weeks, but have a good deal of writing already on the transition that I can share.

How often will you post?

To be completely honest, I have no idea.  Hopefully once every couple weeks at least.  Perhaps if I can keep posts to a more manageable length, they will be more frequent.

As with all the other stories and experiences I’ve shared here, I”m looking forward to continuing with this one.  Thank you for your interest in my journey and my writing.  I love it, but given my multitude of interests, writing tends to be one of those things that sadly falls by the wayside sometimes, so it is great to have your support as an encouragement to keep at it.

Cheers for now.

More Thoughts on Opportunity, Plus Exciting Things Coming

Sometimes opportunities are like shining golden gateways, open portals that just appear out of the myst and beckon you to enter.  More frequently, though, I’ve found that opportunities do not just appear.  They must be sought out, excavated, cleaned, tended, and shaped to achieve MOP (maximum opportunity potential).  Achieving MOP is no easy task, primarily because MOP cannot be reliably achieved until every possible outcome is thoroughly assessed and explored, and the best possible outcomes selected as the target result.  It also carries with it a whole laundry list of risks, disappointment prominent among them.  As someone who feels very passionately about achieving MOP, my first disappointment in considering this process lies in the fact that I am not a computer, and life is not a concrete series of data points.  There are just some things we cannot predict, which is what makes seeking and taking opportunities all the riskier.

But that is also the thrilling thing?  Opportunity taking is organic.  You may have a vague idea of what you are getting into, but you’ll never quite know ahead of time what exactly you will learn, where you will go, who you will meet, who you will become, or what new opportunities might arise through it.  In a life lived to the glory of God, we can be sure that whether or not we achieve maximum opportunity potential as we or the world define it, the Lord will make our paths straight, and bless us richly through it.  God is the only omniscient opportunity optimizer, and therefore the only one who can ever really attain MOP.  Thus, we must place our trust in him, and recognize that he will be faithful to guide us.

I’m excited to share that I have been digging up some cool new discoveries lately, and they will become evident on this blog as time goes on.  Look out for my first of a few announcements in the next post!

My Girls’ Canine Family!

Recently, I got to chat with someone from Guiding Eyes who shared the family information for both of my guide dogs.

Oleta was born on October 23, 2009 to parents Loren and Mark.  Her siblings in birth order are:

Orchard (released)

Osa (released, but became a different sort of service dog)

Bailey (released)

Oak (retired guide dog)

Oleta (retired guide dog)

Opera (released)

Ogden (retired guide dog)

Octavian (released)

Prim was born on October 21, 2015 to parents Peter and Daphne.  Her siblings are:

Peyton (in training)

Promise (released)

Posh (released)

Peace (working guide dog)

Parker (released)

Pongo (detection dog)

Pearl (working guide dog)

Prim (working guide dog)

Pumkin (working guide dog)

It’s great to know where my sweet girls came from.  I’m hoping we can meet some of Prim’s siblings!  We already know her sister Pumpkin, who was in training when we were in class in September.  It was pretty clear they knew that they are sisters, judging by how much they wanted to play together every time they saw each other. ❤

So thankful to Guiding Eyes for breeding, raising, and training so many fantastic dogs.

Thankful for Twenty-Three Years | 30 Days of Gratitude, day 13

Obviously, like many of my writing projects lately, my “30 Days of Gratitude” got extended far beyond the 30 days of November, but I still want to complete 30 days, so I’m persevering in spite of my failings.

It was my birthday recently, and I was tempted to feel a little sad.  Twenty-three feels so different than any other birthday before.  I don’t think I ever thought much beyond 22, because that was the age I was to graduate college, and who knew what would come after that.  Well, here we are, and I’m feeling the same way.  Who knows what comes after this?

I don’t.  That’s for sure… so in one way, twenty-three makes me feel a little aimless, a little lost, and a lot inadequate (and yes I know that’s grammatically incorrect).  I think part of me felt like I didn’t need to think beyond 22, because by the time twenty-three came around I would have things figured out.  I’d have a job, and be paying all of my own bills with my own, earned money.  I’d be successful.

I’m not though, which must mean I’m a failure.

Al right.  SO I’ll work harder.  I’ll change my tactics.  I’ll find a way to achieve this thing I’m supposed to be at twenty-three, and my first step can be choosing to be thankful for these three and twenty years of life, successes and failures, joys and sorrows, easy days and difficult ones.

This is two and a third decades now that I have had the amazing opportunity to know oxygen, and smiles, and family, and delicious food, and cool summer evenings and crisp autumn mornings, and rainy February days and glorious April dawns.  Twenty-three years that I’ve gotten to spend writing, singing, petting dogs and hugging horses, playing ivory keys and steal strings, and dancing and running and leaping.  And how the Lord has been faithful.  How he has brought me to him, and taught me to pray, and seek first His kingdom, and call him my sovereign.  Oh there are too many joys to count!

Have I a great deal to learn?  Oh yes.  Have I a deep longing to be different than the girl I am now?  For sure.  But wow I’m glad to be alive.  Oh God, use every second of it for your glory!